Stuff I’ve Realized Recently…

The older I get the less I care about what anybody thinks.

You wanna say it too, don't you?

Bite me…Hmmm…what a concept.  I don’t know if anybody else has noticed themselves starting to let go of other people’s opinions more as they get older, or have noticed that you’re beginning to get your feelings hurt less by things people say, but I for one, definitely have.  I have to say, it’s very liberating to let stuff roll off your back, too.  I definitely think it’s a sign of getting older and mellowing out, because this is something that I’ve only experienced recently.  Even two or three years ago, I would’ve let the dumbest thing someone said ruin my day, or I would have gotten really upset about something that I had no control over.  Lately, I’ve learned that you gotta just roll with the punches, and if somebody has an opinion about something, let them have it. I doesn’t change anything, it’s just an opinion after all…

If you’re with me on this sentiment, why do you think we stop caring about this stuff as much when we get older?  Now, at this stage in my life, I just kind of feel like saying…(hint: read below.)

What a pushy broad, eh?

Has anybody ever had a friend like the pushy broad as demonstrated in the picture above?  I have, and I think we all have at one time or another.  I will say that I’ve had my share of friends throughout my life, and I am proud to say that most of them are still really good friends.  I’ve realized that the best of friends are the ones that understand you, listen, are happy for you when you are happy, build you back up when you are down, and the kind who don’t judge you…(<–Oh, and the ones who will honestly tell you if your butt looks fat in something.)  I was watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last night (classy taste in television, right?), and I heard Kyle say something to Taylor like, “If people are in your life because you haven’t been speaking up to them, it’s time to clean house.”  Along with the “bite me,” this is also a very freeing notion.  I think this is actually a great point, and can be applied to any relational situation, friendships included.  I really don’t know how I went off on a tangent about friendship, but to sum it up, I think that sometimes, even with friends, you have to unfortunately “clean house,” and I think that’s okay.  It’s just a matter of growing up.  It doesn’t have to mean that you have any hostility toward that person, or that at some point you weren’t really great friends, it just means that sometimes people change.  It’s sad, but I think it’s a part of life…And getting older.

I guess this is just something that I’ve realized recently…<–Hence the name of this post.

And I guess sometimes you just have to say que sera sera…

And other times you might have to say…Bite me.

~The End

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350 thoughts on “Stuff I’ve Realized Recently…

  1. After reading your post and thinking about it, I think it has to do with contentment, not just necessarily “growing up.” When you find your own contentment and self satisfaction it doesn’t matter so much what others think. I think for a lot of people those things come with growing up. However, for me I’m 24 and though feel grown up for my age (I’m divorced – he decided after we were married to inform me he was gay. Ha! I’ve also had to deal with a very serious autoimmune disease since I was 14) but because of life circumstances learned a lot about myself and have learned the lesson of not giving a shit what others opinions are. I also think life circumstances help you sort out your friendships and relationships with others. You learn who has your back, who you can go a month without talking to but know if you needed them they would be there, and yes those that will tell you when you look a hot mess.

    With all that ramble mumbo-jumbo I basically am saying life circumstances, events, tragedies, whateves, help you to maintain the attitude of it just not mattering (my phone is not recognizing this as a word – wtf?!). Because people generally go through more of these things as time goes on throughout life it SEEMS that it just comes with age, but it really doesn’t.

    Did any of that make sense? Oh! Love me some Bravo and Real Housewives! Who cares if it’s not classy!

    • Wow, I never thought of it that way, but I think you have a great point. I definitely agree that it is life circumstances that get you to that point, and maybe not necessarily age…Or maybe it just depends on the person and the rate that they mature at…Maybe for you, you had these situations where you had to learn a lot about yourself earlier than most people, and it caused you to get to that point sooner, but you might put the same person in all of those circumstances and it still might not click until they get older. Hmmmm…well, it’s anybody’s guess how it all works, and what it really comes down to, is that everybody is just different. P.S. Sorry you had to marry the guy first before finding out he was gay:( If it’s any consolation, I am pretty sure every guy I dated while studying theater in college was gay…Ha! Well, at least we can laugh about it now!

      • Perhaps the more tough things you get through, the less petty things seem to matter?

        I’ve definitely found that, the more I pursue things that make me happy, the less I care what other people think. And it’s funny, when you say/do something with conviction, often those people that would judge you for it end up changing their opinion. For example, I’ve recently been getting into graphic novels and anime. We all know the sort of “nerd” stigma that goes along with liking these things, and I certainly have a fair share of friends who think it’s weird. But when they see how much I enjoy myself and pursue those things that I find interesting, they often change their minds and think, “well, maybe it’s not so weird after all…”

        I guess what I’m trying to say is that the people who would judge you are generally the ones who are most sensitive to judgement and therefore the most likely to be swayed by your confidence.

      • Hi Hayley! I totally agree that the more tough times you go through, the less petty stuff matters. That def rings true for me! Thanks for reading:)

  2. I agree with JessieJay that big life events can help you get to that point. All my friends who are married say you find out who your real friends are while planning your wedding. That, and I think when you lose a close loved one. I’m a little embarrassed to say (but feel very blessed) I haven’t gone through anything too tragic, but a lot of my friends have already lost their parents and I see how it’s made them grow up so quickly and suddenly just not give a sh** about what people are saying or thinking.
    Anyways, that’s a ramble…..
    For me, I think with age comes just more and more confidence and going further down the path towards self actualization. I used to be like you and get so upset over things people might say or think, and I will admit that I still have a very hard time with a person just not liking me, however, I guess I’m at least at the point that I’m going to do what I want to do, and not make my life decisions to make others happy.
    I loved this post. 🙂

    • It is so crazy that you just brought up what you did about realizing who your true friends are while planning your wedding. I think without even realizing it, that is precisely what this post was about. I don’t think it even clicked, until just now, that this was what I was writing about. I think when I was writing this post, I was thinking about it on a broader spectrum, but it was really more specific than that. Anyway, I am really glad you said that, because when I was planning my wedding, I lost a few friends along the way. It really surprised me, but the thing was, it never made me sad like I would have thought it would. I think it was then, in that circumstance, that I realized the change. I still have no hard feelings towards those people, but at the same time, if friendships change and it no longer make sense to have those people in your life, its okay to move on. Anyway, wow thanks for bringing that up!

      • I just agree with everything you say( not trying to be one of those friends) love the article. I wonder what the point is of worrying all those years before?

        Thank you,

      • I totally agree that planning my wedding revealed to me the worst in almost all my friends and family. I wanted my four best friends to be my maids, but my sister threw a hissy – not only that she wasn’t a maid but not the MOH. I get along with my sister like I get along with an ingrown toenail. Why would she be my MOH, or a maid at all? When my cousin (who I was close to growing up but not as adults) found out my sister was a maid, she threw a hissy and my grandmother begged me to add her to the roster. THEN, she had the nerve to say she couldn’t afford 2 BM dresses and asked if she could wear her dress from another wedding in my wedding and if I would “please” consider using the same style or color for all my maids. Yah! And my reception was RUINED by my husband’s drunk cousin, drunk friend, drunk friend’s baby mama, and my MOTHER. Yup! I’d say weddings bring out the worst in ppl. (This would be funny to me if it wasn’t true)

      • Omg, I am so sorry but this just made me LOL! I just, like, can’t believe that all happened! You should write a post about it! Seriously. P.S. Thanks for reading:)

  3. PS I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but I love the saying that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Helps me remember that it’s okay if friendships fade. Sometimes people are only supposed to be in our lives for a brief period of time. 🙂

    • I agree! My life motto I try to go by is “Everything happens for a reason.” When something terrible happens, you’re suffering or in pain, or even when things don’t work out quite as you had wanted them to, you have to have something to believe in– you need to know that as bad as things may be, you will come out stronger in the end. It helps you focus on the positive when you need the strength to carry on.

      Thanks sarahpalma for this post! I agree 100% with what you said. Last month I turned 26 and I know my outlook on life has changed drastically over the past few years. Experiences I’ve had and people I’ve met…as bad or unfortunate as a situation was, they have all played such an important role on my growth. Do what makes you happy. Don’t worry about what others think. Don’t worry about what they might say or what you may miss out on if you chose to do something else. Time, LIFE… it’s precious. You cannot afford to waste it on people and things you aren’t passionate about. You cannot allow yourself to get caught up on the small, meaningless negativity or the drama. Focus on YOU.

  4. Like, like, like!!!! And Rae, I thought of that exact same saying as I was commenting last night but just never brought it up. So thanks for mentioning it!!

  5. I think that it all changes when you get older because there’s time and circumstances and situations in the way, people start to split at that fork in the road of growing up or not. When you’re younger a lot of friendships are based on mutual situations and life circumstances. You’re in college at the same time, single and dancing the night away at the same time, etc.

    For me things changed, and I gained some major perspective, also in getting married this past year. I’m 25 and I’m the only one of my friends to be a married lady. I didn’t think that would necessarily change things in my relationships, but like it or not, or realize it or not, it does. I have another person in my life now that I am symbolically tied to, and I share my life with that person first before anyone or anything else. Not all friends understand, or are willing to understand that. Priorities change, responsibilities change, and bottom line, people change. I’ve changed too, “grown up” quite a bit in the last year, while I feel like some of my friends are in the same place they were 5 years ago.

    But then there are those friends, the lifers, where the quantity of time you spend with them is not important, there are no demands or fine print, it’s the quality of your bond and being able to pick up where you left off, time and time again. These are the friends that are really your family, the family that you get to choose for yourself.

    I think about this topic a lot lately, mostly because of disappointments in human contact, so had to comment!

    • I could not agree with you more on priorities changing once you’re married, and I love what you said about the “fine print” friends. That’s such an interesting way to put it, and I am going to use that! Writing this post has been more cathartic for me than I thought it would be. It’s so nice to hear about other people who have dealt with similar situations, and to know that this has happened to others too. Thanks for reading, and thanks for the thoughtful response.

  6. I agree completely with you Yvonne… You said exactly what I wanted to say perfectly. Especially what you said about the “lifer” friends.

  7. Great post, and some genuine wisdom from the Real Housewives for once! I agree, sometimes fear of confrontation is the only reason some a-holes stay “friends.” It applies to dating relationships, too!

  8. I’m also doing a “toxic people purging” this year. I’ve had to let go of many – some not by choice – but these unwanted losses (deaths) have made me realize how it’s better to have a few very true friends (the good ones – hazelnuts??) than a bunch of mixed nuts you can be happier and healthier without. Sad, but very true. Is this a 30s phenomenon, or ??

  9. I LOVE this. I spent years of my life being the consummate pleaser — nodding along like a bobble head in response to everyone and everything.

    Then I went through a bat-sh*t crazy divorce (which now serves as great fodder for my blog, in fact!), and I realized I had changed. Fundamentally. Yes, I became a teensy weensy bit more jaded, but I also started really paying attention to how I really felt. Novel concept.

    I don’t think I’ve quite mastered the “Bite me” stage — but if I felt the need to say it to someone, I probably would!

    Fun post! 🙂

  10. You are absolutely right! The older I get, the less I care about what others think of me and the less I value their opinions of me (unless they’re close to me, of course). It is incredibly liberating to find out who you really are without having to conform to what other believe you should be.

    Fantastic post and congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  11. I know I may be a bit young, but I understand a lot of these sentiments as well. I am already seeing this in my own life at 23. Keep up the work.

  12. I’m starting to do this (I’m actually working on it) and I’m only 19. The thing is, I think most people crave other people’s approval because they’re insecure. Letting go of that is healthy, and it also will gain you a lot of respect. I’m in an art class, and I’m really bad at it, and at another point in my life I would have been really upset by that, but now I’m just like, “you can draw better than me. That’s cool. Congratulations.” That attitude stops people from being able to act superior than me and from making me feel bad about myself (and believe me, they try!)

    • Hi Rai! Don’t worry about art class, everyone has their own unique talents, and sometimes you don’t figure out what they are until you’re older. Take your time! After all, there’s no rush! Thanks for reading:)

  13. Sarah: You just found one of the keys to the fountain of happiness! It’s absolutely magical. I am 63 and at 60 I woke up and said: enough…ENOUGH! I had this overwhelming desire to “go out” better than I came into my adulthood. It’s not that I won’t listen to the opinions of others, but it’s that I won’t let those opinions cause me to lose sleep or trip me up in anyway. The reason I started a humorous storytelling blog was to finally tell my friends, family, and anybody listening: “Here I am — good, bad, or indifferent — take me as I am, and not as you want me to be.” My first post is entitled, “High School Never Ends,” and it deals with this nuttiness that keeps on in our lives through menopause, causing us to make the stupidest choices. ENOUGH! :>)

  14. Welp, I’m 31 now and I’ve definitely noticed this attitude developing within me. Everyone said the 30’s would be the best decade of my life and when I really start embrace who I am and be more comfortable in my own skin. They were right!

    • Hi Lindsay, although I am 28 (almost 29) I completely agree with what you said about the 30’s being the best decade of your life, because it’s the time you really embrace who you are! Thanks for reading:)

    • I am going to be 31 at the end of this year, and I feel the same way! My friends who entered their 30s before me told me they’d never go back to their 20s, and I scoffed at them for years because I thought my 20s were great. But, it is true. The “bite me” attitude does begin to take shape around 30 for many of us. Like some of the others, I’m not quite at the “bite me” stage, but I’m very close. I’m still nice about my “bite me’s.” They are more like, “thank you for your opinion, but I’m still going to do what I want to do.” Maybe by the time I get to 40 I’ll be able to say “BITE ME!”

      • You know, after reading all these responses, I don’t think I have ever actually told someone ‘bite me.’ Oh well, there is a first time for everything! Thanks for reading:)

  15. Great post! I wonder if we are the same age….As painful as it can be, sometimes we do have to clean house and get rid of the “crepe hangers,” my mom calls them. Those are the people who always have a sad story or that keep bringing up the same nasty gossip time and time again. I would rather surround myself with happy, fun people instead. I tend to be Susie Sunshine myself!
    Congrats on being FP’d!

  16. I love saying Bite Me or sometimes Whatever! I think some friends we out grow and other friends like you said that we have to cleanse out of our lives. I am done with pushy and one-sided friendships. Suck it up, roll with the punches and live life to its fullest. I am truly grateful and blessed for those true friendships in my life. I recently made a new girlfriend (opened myself up a bit) and our friendship is so simple. Why do women have to bring unnecessary drama to a friendship??? I would rather spend my time with women who support each other and give of themselves 100%. Thanks for sharing & Congrats on being FP!

  17. Thanks for this! We live in a world (for the most part) that focuses too much on what other people think. It is freeing to let go and let live (and to just say “bite me”). On the friendship note: whether you are “older” or “younger” it seems there comes a time in everyone’s life when you realize there are people in your life you could do without. As a military wife, moving every few years seems to do the weeding out of true friends for me. Friendships take work but they shouldn’t be exhausting.

  18. I want to tell you I make resolves every year on my birthday. Yesterday was my 58th birthday and I decided this next year is the year of declutter. My house, my desk, my crafting area, my garage and people who are more negative than positive., I mean that live their life like Chicken little. In this negative time we do have stuff to deal with, but I do not want to hear constantly what is wrong or bad, So declutter, the negative Nancies, that will be part of my resolves in this 58th year I am blessed with. Thanks Patsy McCaw-Yager

  19. so an important question.
    how old are you?
    i’m 31 and i try to think like this “what other people think of me is none of my business”
    but it’s hard to let go of that… but i’m a bit of an insecure person so….

  20. I feel the same way. For one, I just refuse to allow myself to be affected my just any outside force, because… where would it stop?
    Also, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it does not mean their opinion is worth listening to.
    When people start running off at the mouth, I usually zone them out. I think that is the way to go.

  21. So true! I recently “cleaned house” so to speak and started saying “Bite me” a lot more. Luckily, I’m learning early to not let the minor things get to me and to get people out of my life who I seem to have…outgrown over time. Awesome post–seriously!!! 🙂

  22. I find that at my age, I’m beyond the point of impressing others to find my way into their lives. I am who I am. Like me or fleh…whatever. It just gets to a point where you need to find the genuineness of your Self, and be all the Self that you can be. Those who like that side of you will cling to you – those who are nurtured by it and inspired by it will hang around. Those who don’t aren’t really probably worth the effort anyway. And I’m okay with that. Sincerely. Contentment. That’s the key.

  23. Congrats on FP!
    You nailed it and yes, I’ve had to ‘clear all the clutter in my closet’ before. It’s all too familiar.
    After a time its easy to spot the fake friends. The ‘lifers’ are truly the BEST!
    Check out my site as I try to increase Autism Awareness through poems as seen through the eyes of my four years old son.
    http://jacquirose17.wordpress.com

  24. When you think about how your body declines when you get older, this is the one great thing we can all enjoy about the whole process. I used to care so much, now… not so much – LOL!

  25. THis is so well written and well said. I am at a similar point in my life. I’m only 25 but even so I have moved many miles away from where I grew up and developed my core group of friends and in the moves and transitions I have changed, I have grown and I have seen friends grow with me, or become afraid of what can be and just loose touch. I still struggle wiht the notion that it is OK to let friends go, but having been in a new area for the past few years I understand why it is OK. We are different stages and places and looking for different things. It is nice to look back on childhood memories and see these friendships and see how I have grown but it is also really nice to look at where I am now, who is beside and how valuable these people are to me now. If I kept all of my friends from one point of my life ‘close’ to me then I wouldn’t have ever had space to make friends with the people who are with me and by my side now. I think this could also apply to family relations. It is sad to say but there are times where even though you are family not taking their opinions to heart and just letting time and space get between you guys. You will appreciate/respect each other more and at the end of the day, you cannot get along with everyone but respect the differences.

    • Hi Allison! It’s true, you can’t get along with everyone, but it’s essential to respect your differences. Thanks for reading:)

  26. I think it’s a mix of age and comfortability with yourself. The older you get the more you find out what you really like and not just what you see daily. Once you find yourself and like who that person is, or is becoming, then the things that others say are nothing more than their opinion. Their worlds become like gnats flying by your ears; they can be irritating but if they get too bad you either swat them or you walk away.

      • I agree with singlegirl that with age comes acceptance of who I am and also the ability to recognize TRUTH. Often it is very apparent that the person giving a negative opinion is unhappy, so why on earth would I digest what they say? I also offer my opinion less often because I realize that if they don’t matter to me then…why would it to someone else? Cleaning house becomes easier every time you do it! Hope you keep sharing your insights.

  27. I was actually thinking exactly these thoughts just the other day. The older you get, the more “comfortable” you are with your life and your decisions. Or it could just be life’s knocks that have made you stubborn and built a brick wall to protect you. Numb.

    Great piece
    Dez

  28. I completely agree with every point you made. I think that the reason why we lose interest in other people’s opinions of us over time is that we slowly start to realize that most people are quick to give negative opinions about others instead of looking internally at what’s wrong with themselves. When we were young(er) and more naive, we put so much value on what other people thought of us but, now, after becoming disillusioned and learning to expect less from people, we have stronger defenses against others’ opinions. Some may say we’re “jaded” but I think it’s smart, especially since we’re women and are therefore more prone to having to deal with fake, snarky bitches than men are.

  29. What an interesting topic to cover!! I came on here to find some comfort in the fact that I take waaayyy to seriously what opinions teachers have over me. Most teachers have only good things to say about me, but when they don’t, I just get upset. Like if a teacher yells at me, it gets me so upset! I wish I could say BITE ME (at least to myself) and NOT CRY. Or my grades. Of course, grades are important, but it’s OKAY if you aren’t THAT great. But not me. I freak out and I worry that if I don’t come prepared the teacher will not have a good opinion of me.

    Anyway, I’ve been through a lot and I’m 16 years old. My grandpa died recently (as you can read in my blog) and I have recently moved across the world for like the 20th time. I just wish I would stop making an ass of myself over stupid things like school.

    • Well, definitely don’t say ‘Bite Me’ to your teachers!! Sorry about your Grandpa:( Hey, don’t worry about making a fool of yourself at school, sometimes it’s in those moments that you really find out who you are:) Thanks for reading:)

  30. I completely agree. Experience is life’s only teacher. To add to your point though, I still believe people sometimes need a reality check. It’s nice to have an opinion about something, but if you cross a certain line or just say something completely stupid, then you need to be verbally bitch slapped. That’s something I’ve noticed too, your pimp hand also gets stronger with age.

  31. I really like this post. The older I get, the more I realize how much time I wasted on worrying about what people thought of me. I’ve realized that I may have let potentially great friendships go by because of “what people might think,” I’ve held back on trying new things because someone might laugh. It’s time to just live life!

  32. yeah, that was a good thing to talk about!
    sometimes you end a relationship not because you hated the person, its because of life changing, and affecting us,
    and sometime i feel that people are just extra thing to worry about,
    and when i feel like that toward any person, i know that they wont be doing me any good!!

  33. Terriffic insights! Wait until you reach your forties when you really let go of all your inhibitions and fears. I think getting older, looking back on one’s life, and looking ahead to a road that eventually appears to be finite (in this lifetime) creates the mindset you described. It’s a powerful attitude to have that may take you to unexpected places, but you may discover strengths and abilities you never before dreamed you had. You’re fortunate to arrive at this awareness so young. Yes, 28 is still dreadfully young…take it from a middle-aged woman!

  34. I totally agree with the previous commenters about big life events/changes in your life changes your perspective, particularly in terms of friendships. A couple of years ago I was having a pretty crappy time of it as a result of a multitude of forces that conspired together, and this time coincided with the time when most of my close friends from sixth form had just gone off to university, and I was left behind. All of them except 2, who also remained behind, and who were both also having a fairly shitty time. I think that the fact that we helped each other through some really bad patches in our lives cemented us into a friendship that no one else will quite be able to match. And when you reach a point like that within a friendship, I think it matters less what other people think, because you know the ones who actually matter will love you no matter what. I hope that made some kind of sense!

  35. Nice post. I like it.
    I really thought i knew my friends…. untill my “best friend” tried to sleep with “my girl”…
    Guess you we will never know who your true friends are… It’s kinda sad but i guess it’s part of life and as you say… Que sera sera….

  36. This was a nice and thoughtful post, thanks for writing it. I was just writing to an old friend this morning about how I lost a friend (like over 20 years ago) during my wedding. She disagreed with my lifestyle, thought I lived in sin because I lived with my husband before we married. She brought a birdcage still speckled with bird poop that she found at a garage sale for $1 and placed it proudly atop all the shiny gifts the other guest had honored me and my husband with. It’s strange, cus even then, I was so accustomed to putting up with her righteousness that I took the gift graciously because she claimed to think I would “love it” because I had mentioned wanting a bird. Strange. Sometimes it’s hard to find the courage to tell people to kiss off, sometimes it takes others in our corner who can say, hey, what that person did isn’t right. Like your post, it gives people permission to say what is sometimes unspeakable but absolutely warrented — “Bite Me!” Honestly, after all these many years, I’m coming to see that speaking such a truth is maybe the kindest thing you can do to someone who hurts you. The world isn’t improved any by letting people push you around, it really isn’t : ). Best to you!

  37. Great point. I agree with you. I used to think friends are everything and I used care about every single thing people say or think. But now that I look back….WTF? I’m not born to please all you people. I guess it’s because with experience you start to realize that friends come and go ^_^

  38. I have done my share of cleaning the proverbial friendship closet! The last was my husband. After many years of trying to cleanse him of his toxicity, I gave up and reclaimed my life. I have three beautiful children to show for my effort, and a new life to look forward to.
    Congratulations on your marriage! I still believe in it and hope one day to find someone who is right for me. 47, almost 48 is not too late! I have a lot of great years ahead!
    Great post! check out my blog. Lots about life!
    Jenni in Philly

  39. “Bite Me” is my favorite saying. Those two little words say so much! It’s much nicer than saying “F**K YOU” isn’t it?
    I gave up caring about 9 years ago. Yes, it comes with age and maturity. And it’s the only wonderful thing about being middle aged.

  40. I think being able to say “Bite Me” comes from knowing and liking who you are and having your priorities in place Coincidentally, this usually happens as you get older. (You’ll just have to trust an over 50ish gal on this one.)

  41. One of the priveliges of aging well is to be able to tell the world, “Bite Me.” We learn life’s too short, we deserve to be happy in our own right, and other peoples perspective, although sometimes interesting, is theirs alone.

  42. For me, it’s realizing I DO have finite time, and I’m just not going to waste it on anyone, anymore. It’s also a certain amount of self understanding and the confidence and peace that comes with that. I don’t really no anything. And by the way, neither does anyone else–so what’s there to protect? It ends up being about sharing rather than protecting–which is also a lot more fun!

  43. The older you get!? Sarah, my dear, you’re not even thirty. At this pace by the time you reach forty, forget about it: you’ll be perfectly indifferent.

  44. Yes, I think the older you get it becomes easier to just be yourself and confident enough in yourself that you really don’t care what people think about you after all. It takes a while to outgrow the disease to please syndrome.

    One of my favorite sayings: You would not care what people think about you if you only knew how little they did.

    Great post, congrats on freshly pressed.

  45. I think a lot of it is simply life perspective. Psychologists generally say the age of happiness begins around 50–that’s when people have lived long enough to have a clearer view of what truly matters. So you are ahead of the perspective curve!

  46. Such an awesome post. I believe it does come with age. Things seem less dramatic when you are older (not that I would know too much about that.)
    I always strive to be that way, but it doesn’t always work out. But thank you for posting that.

  47. There’s nothing more empowering than standing on stage with a microphone and not caring what your audience thinks. Of course, that doesn’t always turn out so well. I still enjoy it though, even if they don’t.

  48. its one of my toughest battles; to care what others thnk but i think i am getting better by the day as i mature. i think its purely has to do with maturity and nothing else.

  49. What I meant to say…I think another aspect is that as you get older you realize that while other people may have opinions about what you do, reality is that they aren’t living your life and will never experience your reality. I also find that when people are particularly negative it’s usually because they’re unhappy with something in their own life (and aren’t admitting it to themselves) and secretly don’t want you to do well or be happy if they aren’t. The proper term for them would be “haters.”
    So as you so aptly said, “Bite me.”

    • Hey Nicolle, It’s so true what you said about people being negative because they’re unhappy with their own life. I think someone else mentioned this also. Anyway, it’s very true! Thanks for reading:)

  50. In reading your post I thought maybe you were an old lady like me….then I read your bio. 28 years old. That’s it? You young whipper snappers learn things early on these days. It took me years and years to figure all this out. Or maybe it was just the Catholic girl schooling I endured.
    Great post!

    • Omg, I love the “young whipper snappers,” and I am totally stealing that because it’s too good not to! Thanks for reading Angeline!

    • Hahahah Angeline – you’re not alone – I also thought she must be in her late fifties like me. Am shocked at how young and how wise… this is stuff I’m only working through now. Sad I know, but am loving every minute. At least I’m getting to it.

  51. When I started to read you I wondered: How do you need to become to get there? I wondered because I imagined, that would set me as an old mommy age person! Lol
    I agree, experience presents a denominator to figure the common sense part of not expecting others to please us with their comments, etc. In fact, if we look at political correctness and politeness, how often can we be misguided and deceived by those?
    My personal opinion about this stage relates to courage. Like you, in my past many, many times I was hurt by others’ thoughts. At some point it was so prevalent that I found myself “walking on egg shells” to avoid getting hurt by others. What changed that for me was courage – to say, represent, do whatever is mine. Since that very day, not only it doesn’t bother me, but I feel accomplished by being who I am as I am and not giving s***t about what others have to say. Wanna know the irony? The more courage, the more people respect me and seek for my company.
    Great post!

  52. Loved the post! Thanks for sharing that! Just a thought: I think the “cleaning house part” doesn’t work to well with family – sometimes or better with some people you just have to live with them – I try to treat it like the ucky stuff behind my fridge (which I havn’t actually seen, but know it’s there): I overlook it (or at least try to)

    • Oh yes, you’re right, this post does not apply to family whatsoever…at least for me anyway, but anyone can take it anyway they want to and apply it to their own lives…Thanks for reading:)

  53. i feel like i could have written this post (although not as brilliantly!) i was just talking to my husband about my dearest friends, and the countless other friends and acquaintances that have come and gone in my life – we’ve either grown apart, have nothing in common anymore, or we just can’t stand each other anymore… either way, i wish all of them kindest wishes, and my time spent with them will always be treasured. But as you say, “bite me! I just can’t take the drama anymore. You exhaust me!” That often comes with having so many different types of friends. I need to save my energy for the people that are MOST important to me, and this doesn’t make me a bad person. This did become more true, and easier to face as i’ve become older. I have removed most, in fact i would say all, of the toxic and energy sucking friends from life and what remains is an intimate circle of beautiful friends that i truly hope will surround me forever. They don’t all know each other, and they are are all very unique from one another, but they are my girls. What occurs to me now is that i don’t tell them or show them often enough how much they mean to me. i surely don’t call them, (or write, text, email, facebook, etc…) enough. i need to work on that. thank you for the fun post.

  54. ‎”I found out that it’s not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad you’re having trouble.”
    Tommy LaSorda, LA Dodgers manager

    I think that carrying less what people think comes with the disappointing realization, which only life experience provides, that most people at the end of the day don’t care about anything but themselves. Therfore, their opinion about what you yourself are personally trying to accomplish doesn’t count. The ones who do care we get to count as true friends.

  55. Your post really made me think Sarah, about my life, cupcakes… but mainly about my life. You say that we become less sensitive to others opinions as we get older, but I will have to agree with JessieJay upstairs here, I think its about maturity more than age. I think it is the hardships you’ve gone through that desensitize your from others hurtful actions.

    For example myself, I’m 17 this year and my years have been somewhat rough. Two years ago my parents singed me up for a charity program where I had to go to Anhui, China (the poorest place in China) to teach locals English. There I stayed with local families, I ate with them, slept with them, basically lived like them. Food was scarce there, the family that hosted me gave me their only vegetables during a meal (which was maybe 75 grams of back choi), and they themselves went onto the muddy streets and plucked some leaves from a willow looking tree and ate that with their rice. My throat swelled up and tears started to collect in my eyes, as I was trying to eat the food. I offered them the back choi, but they strongly refused against it. Their youngest son who was 9 years old at the time sat next to me and happily asked me why I was crying. I didn’t reply him, I just smiled.

    The reason that I was crying was because I felt that they were living their lives in shit. I felt guilty that I didn’t appreciate what I had, I felt so sorry that I couldn’t help them more, I felt like I was to blame for eating their already limited food. As I was getting all worked up in my head like a teenage girl on her period, the family merely looks at this situation as a matter or course. They are used to eating tree leaves for dinner and living their lives like that.

    Maybe this is not the best analogy that describes what I said in my first paragraph, but my point is that the hardships a person experiences desensitizes him from hurt and pain. Not their age.

    Thanks you for writing this article, I’ll be sure to check up on your once in a while.

    Jeff X. L.

  56. Sarah re “friendship”: throughout the ages, it’s been said that a true and faithful friend will stick closer to you than a brother or sister. And, whoever finds such a one is blessed of God. For, a faithful friend is the elixir of life. Peace and blessings to you and yours.

  57. Loved your post. Made me reflect on how I used to be compared to how I am now and really celebrate my journey and love the person I am now. I used to have social phobia and alot of anxiety and worried about what everyone thought of me, really thought about everything!

    Now, I don’t seem to care. I think security in yourself and confidence comes with age. Who knows why hey ! lol

    I see this alot with my husband who is younger than me, he doesnt have alot of confidence and isnt great in social situations. I get frustrated with him for not making the effort to talk to people and then have to remind myself that I was worse when I was his age too…

    Looking forward to reading more… its great to read something that makes you reflect positively on your own life 🙂

    • It feels great to celebrate the person you have become, doesn’t it?! Oh, and on account of your husband, just remember what it was like when you were younger! Ha! Thanks for reading:)

  58. New to your blog and I love it. This post is great and I completely agree. A few years back I “broke up” with a friend of a friend. Her drama is not worth my time. I don’t care what she thinks of me – I agree as we get older we have a different and hopefully a better comfort level with ourselves so we care less abut defining ourselves by what others thing. Some days it is easier than others!

  59. wahu…………… I just woke up from the bud thinking that I need to rejuvenate my ‘hurt’ ego due to some judgments, opinions and remarks made by others when I was undecided, in a dilemma so to say. and this post has boosted my confidence. It made up my mind to stand for my convictions, to do what is interesting for me rather than pursuing what others dictate to me! What I noticed was that when I try to put on the shoes of others, they seldom do so. I need to be little more assertive and confident in what I say, do and think. Thanks for this wonderful post.

  60. When I was younger I used to allow the small things to push me from A to Z. Sometimes, the whole situation of why and what I let myself get carried away over in the end would be very silly. But like you said, now I just let things roll off. Not just the fact that we are growing up, but also because we have more things that are much more valuable towards our time than dibbling and dabbling in nonsense. Besides, why waste your time on useless things, when you can pick your battles wisely. It takes time…no matter how old we get we still will have a lot of learning to do. GREAT POST I REALLY ENJOYED IT!!!!

  61. Sarah, I thought you were in your 50-60’s when I read the title of your post. I just looked at your pic and bio (about) and you are a “young whipper snapper” yourself. 🙂 BTW, congrats on being freshly pressed and newly married. Peace and blessings to you and yours.

  62. Congrats on being pressed! I have to agree with you, the older I get the less I care what people think. Oh sometimes my feelings still get hurt, but I’ve really gotten into the “life is too short to deal with people you don’t want to” attitude.

    Kudos to you for getting there!

  63. Oh, this is great! I’m getting close to 40 now and I can totally relate. Just within the past couple of years I’ve done some friendship housecleaning myself, and it really does feel great. I know it’s made some people sad when I start to distance myself from them, but I really can’t let that get to me or else I’ll just be stuck with them in my life again. Besides, I’m not THAT great of a catch as a friend anyway. lol And yeah, I don’t care too much what others think about me or what I do anymore either. But I’m still struggling with my own internal feelings, and being completely satisfied with the way I am. I wonder if that will go away when I get closer to 50? Women in their 50’s always seem to have it together. Here’s hoping!

    • Don’t worry, I am sure you already have it together, maybe you just don’t think you do! Either way, good luck! Thanks for reading:)

  64. First I will say congrats on being FP. I loved your blog. Everyone said what I have thought, or felt. What an insightful blog. Sometimes I think Im getting therapy when I read some of these, and I meant that in a positive way. Great blog, laughed a couple times. Thank You!!

  65. Love this post and I completely agree with you!! The older I have got the more I have realized that it is not my job to make other people happy (except for my kids, adults can take responsibility for themselves).
    It is all about self-confidence. When I was younger I had zero. Then I had kids, when you give birth you realize you are capable of doing anything. (Of course then you are up all night with a screaming baby and you begin to suspect you are completely hopeless….)

    When my eldest son started kinder I looked at the other mums who had older kids and thought that they seemed so much more sorted than I did. I wished I could be one of those confident women. When my second son started kinder I realized the new mums saw me in the same way although I was the same person I was before! I realized that self-confidence is something you can fake. I found that if you fake it and succeed you suddenly realize you aren’t so bad after all. The self-confidence becomes real. Those mums didn’t know I had no idea what I was doing!
    If only I had known all this when I was young! Oh, how different life could have been without all that time and energy wasted worrying about what other people thought and trying to keep everybody happy. If someone is a loser or makes me feel bad about myself I don’t actually have to have anything to do with them. What a revelation! I now have trustworthy friends without petty dramas. Congrats on being FP 🙂

  66. Very cool post! My friends and I were recently talking about “weeding the gardens” as they have some less-than-stellar pals hanging on… I need to forward this to them!

  67. “Bite me” remains one of my favorite phrases, though I say it to myself. Perhaps I should start saying it right out loud! Thanks for the great post.

  68. I am pretty sure that we didn’t think much about others’ opinion when we were children as well.. We started it only around teenage.. at least I did..

  69. I have to say I quite agree! I turned 30 earlier this year and I’m caring less and less what people think. In fact, in a very dramatic encounter with my EX boss, I offered up the very classic (and classy) “F*ck you”, followed by “I’m out”. This is not in my usual taste. However, in a blissful moment of liberation, I felt it was high time someone told her what we have all ALWAYS wanted to say to a woman who has always assumed we liked her because her position commanded that a tremendous amount of smoke be blown up her exit hole. Bravo on a blog post well-stated!

  70. Pingback: Stuff I’ve Realized Recently… (via Sarah Smiles Awhile) | razVv

  71. Love your post! The older you get, the more you are aware of just who you are – what you like and don’t – – and what you will put up with or not. And yes, you can ignore many things because they just aren’t that important to the big picture.

    My two BFF’s fell the same, and we do not apologize for being “us” 🙂

  72. i enjoyed reading your blog! i agree that you do need to clean house every now and then in your life. i find this fun to do on facebook.
    i tend to eliminate the people that i do not keep in almost weekly or monthly contact with; busy or not you’re never too busy for someone that really matters to you. just how i tend to think of things.
    i think society influences us in keeping people around that are nothing more than filler people. i mean if we were to stop and think, i bet there are only a few handfuls of people that we really need around, people that we would most certainly miss if they were gone from our domain. the rest are just not necessary for me ch’i and existence. i’ve never seen those housewives shows but i always think: listen you harpies- if you don’t get along w/bimbo one tow three or four, then do not talk to them and another thing- don’t be on the show if it creates problems w/your marriage, etc. just shows they value their “celebrity” more than the health of their relationships- romantic and otherwise.
    sorry for going off on that i just really dislike many shows like those. they just seem to promote scream “communication” much like the “news” stations, ahem- cough- fox news! lol…

  73. DAMN THE MAN!
    Right, now that my outbursts done- this is actually what I think. Damn the man. Damn anyone anywhere at any time who feels they have a reason to offer an unwarranted and unsolicited opinion on anything you say or do.
    Damn the man.
    Because you are you and your the way you are because you like it that way.
    Damn the man.
    Because you’re a beautiful creature inside and out and nobody, not a single soul has the reason to tell you otherwise.
    Damn the man.
    Because the only person who has any valid reason to judge you, actually IS you.

    Damn. The. Man.

  74. Wow. A LOT of a comments so I could not read if I was repeated that which was already said. Congrats on FP. Nice blog. I love the phrase “Bite me” and I have been saying it more and more. Most of the time it’s at times or infront of people to whom I can not say it to so I scream it in my head. The older people don’t seem to ‘get’ the phrase. I just don’t think it’s an age thing. I think it is when you reach a point in life where reality hits you and you realize what is important. For some it comes with age and for some it comes with life experiences.

    • I agree, after reading everyone’s responses, I am now convinced my reality check came from life experiences…Thanks for reading:)

  75. Congratulations on being FP’d! 🙂
    It’s funny at how opportune a time I’ve come across your post. I am currently struggling with a friendship and I know it has ended from my side, exactly because the friend is overbearing and pushy and self-involved. Took me 4 long years to understand that. Same as you, a couple of years ago I would have cried and done everything I can to please the friend and promise to stay friends for the long haul. Today, for my personal peace and benefit, I realise we have changed too much to try and hold on to what we thought we had. It is growing up on my part, guess the friend hasn’t quite gotten there yet. Thank you for your post and lovely sentiments on the matter, you are not alone! 🙂

  76. Love this. I’m 3 months pregnant, and whether it’s a hormonal thing, or maternal instincts kicking, I’ve started speaking my mind. I’ve always been painfully introverted, but I’m loving my newly adopted Bite Me Attitude. And what I love most about it, the most important people in my life love me all the more for it.

    • Hey Gypsy Jangle, glad to hear you’ve started to speak your mind. I bet it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders! Thanks for reading:)

  77. My mother has a saying: As years go by, you gain wisdom. But sometimes you only gain the years..
    (As I wrote that, it accured to me that it is not easy to translate a norwegian saying, to english 😉 )
    Anyway, the meaning of it very simple: Sometimes people claims that they know the best, just because they are older then you. I on the other agree on what Jessica.jay said: It is the content of life, not just the age.
    But what ever the reason is: It`s a wonderful feeling to say: bite my evere now and then 😀
    Have a nice (mature) weekend 😀

  78. My first year of college felt like high school. I had a hard time fitting in and what the people in my dorm and roommate said to and about me really bothered me. I let it lead me into depression. Now when I look back, I see how stupid it was of US: for them to have said those baseless things and for me to let it affect me. Now I go outside and don’t care what people think of me, as long as I believe in myself and continue to treat others nicely, someone along the way will appreciate me.

  79. Years ago I made the decision that my life is my life, not anyone else’s. I am not running for public office, so I don’t depend on anyone’s opinion about me, not even my family’s or friends’.
    I have been much happier since then.

  80. I really enjoyed your post and share the feeling of caring less about what others think. I take the thoughts and feelings of others into consideration but I am happy and confident within myself. This enables me to be me and others to be themselves. I think that is the secret which frees us.

  81. I think getting older is kinda cool coz one becomes wiser. Although I still get a little bothered by people’s snotty comments, I don’t feel bothered that much. I think the older I get, the more I understand myself…my strengths and weaknesses. I have no power over what others perceive of me but no one can change me into something am not 🙂 I love myself perfectly the way I am.

  82. You know how sometimes you read/see something you really needed on a specific day?! Well, I just wanted to say that your post was perfect reading this morning. Just what I needed to hear! My whole life has revolved around what people think of me, making them happy……basically determining my self-worth through the opinions of others.
    Well, I’m DONE. Lately, I’ve really been trying to let go of all that and just care about me. Afterall, we can only be responsible for our own actions, right?!
    After all that, I just wanted to say thanks for this perfectly timed post! 😉 It was really great reading it x

  83. Thank you, for a wonderful post! It is obvious you hit a nerve with so many comments and there isn’t a better feeling in the world than writing something you feel strongly about and having people come out of the woodword to comment on it. Several years back I found myself, just over 40, divorced with two preteen children and a lot of time on my hands. I did something that I’d wanted to do since I was 15 — I bought a scooter. You know the kind that everyone in Europe drive, with a loaf of French bread sticking out of the basket attached to the front of the thing? I will say that I’m still amazed by the way people will offer up advice that was never asked for and in regards to my new found freedom on this 100-miles-to-the-gallon extravagance that I was enjoying, I just smiled and thought to myself, “Bite me.” I think I loved the look on my ex’s face the first time he saw me cruise through downtown on it. Without exaggeration, his mouth hung open for two days! I love the idea of getting older and finding a voice that was always inside but had always adhered to the old teachings of how young women are to be polite at all times. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe that we should, as a society, mind our manners and show respect for our elders but that being said, I love the way the phrase, “Get over it!” tends to fly from my mouth more often than, “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that…” Or how liberating it is to finally identify that one friend who has never had a nice thing to say about your hair, your house or the way a particular pair of jeans fits, and to realize that you no longer have to pick up the phone when she’s calling. It took me years to get a good grip on this one and there are people in my life today that used to have a front row seat, that used to be the first phone call I would make when I needed to talk and they must wonder why the phone never rings anymore. Maybe they don’t even notice, and I’ve found that THATS okay, too! I don’t get satisfaction from someone’s feelings being hurt by my behavior because that never accomplishes anything. But when I think of people who used to suck the air out of the room everytime they were in it, I don’t miss them so much. In fact, until I read something like your post, they rarely even enter into my mind. I think that is a showing of great maturity and for me, the best part of this whole new understanding of myself, is that it is something I often share with my 17 year old daughter…who is catching on a lot more quickly than I did! Who knows, maybe she won’t waste time on people that aren’t worth it, and will be able to fill her life with only those who matter…at least much sooner in her lifetime than her mother did!

    Thank you, again, for a great post.

    • Wow, Jill. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are right, there is nothing more rewarding than getting responses from so many people, and especially stories like yours. Thanks for taking the time to share! Thanks for reading:)

  84. What a great post! Totally summed up what I was thinking. Had a bad case (juz last week with a friend who tried to tell me how to live my family life because she had some issues with hers. She made me feel bad for not living my life the way she did, and frankly I didnt even ask her opinion. In the end, I realised she had projected her issues onto me and in my mind I am like “hey, I am not YOU”..so why shld I live my life your way. Felt kinda victimized…why did i let her make me feel bad? I wish I can just let things roll off and not let others ruin my day for yakking away their opinions like the Law. not easy haha…but I should!
    Really liked your points on cleaning the closet, which is really needed at times, as ppl change and some ppl really are more discouraging & taxing as friends (kill more of your brain cells, and why do i have to keep explaining..coz they dont understand in the first place), and perhaps it’s time to let go.
    Alas..some live too near to avoid. Haha…!!

  85. Wow, it’s not often you can say you learned something insightful from the Real Housewives – that in and of itself is pretty special. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  86. Enjoyed.. I really feel like maturity plays a role. Sometimes we have people that cross our path that we thought we trustworthy. It really is sad when it’s family. I have changed. When you actually have to face something uncomfortable..only we can effect how we feel. I chose not to let it get the better of me. What you see is what you get. Life is to short. Thanks for your post.

  87. I have been noticing this trend as well in the past few years. I blame in on the fact that I have learned to get over myself enough to get out of my own way and keep things in appropriate perspective. (Now my boss still got to me, but she was amaaaaazing like that.) But once I got over myself, I was able to reconnect with old friends without finding out first if I was more successful than them. I was able to meet new people without thinking, “Gosh, I’m way under qualified to be socializing with these people.” And I started telling my employees, “Look, we’re all just making it up as we go along. Even the supervisors, like me!” I think they appreciated the honesty. So whatever it is, I hope it continues! Just not to the point that I’m wearing stirrup pants and a tweety-bird nightgown to Wal-mart.

  88. Amazing how weddings have such a profound effect and ditto to the first comment on ‘a wedding making you see what’s there for real’… definitely in more ways than one. Big events bring out either the best or the shady in people and most certainly lets the superstars shine through. My wedding proved quite ‘ephiphanous’ on that front 🙂 Kudo’s to an awesome post!!

  89. This post was speaking to my SPIRIT! I am 24yrs old. Physically. Mentally I am much older and I have already began walking this path and it really IS liberating! But, at times it frustrates me when I see my own peers get angry at me when I speak my opinion on things. I forget that they may not be on my level of not giving a crap about there name calling insults or insulting opinions. Once I practice keeping that in mind, I will be one bad mamma jamma! LOL!

  90. I started out life not being able to NOT care what anyone thought, and it screwed me up. It’s taken decades for me to learn not to care what other people think, and lot’s of practice. I’m finally starting to master it, although I’m sure I need more practice yet.

  91. I think when we are past those awkward growing up years, we become more confident about ourselves, and no longer have to worry about how we appear to others. Then we no longer have to hold ourselves up to the microscope of what other’s think. Hurray! I guess that’s why I had a good time at my 40 year class reunion – none of us were the same people we were back in high school, thankfully. (well all right, a couple peope still were)

    Congratulations for being FP’d – definitely a fun ride.

  92. Hmmmmmmm, I guess I’m was old at two. Frankly, I don’t give a chihuahua’s butt about what other dogs or people think. But, since I’m canine and superior to humans I decided to test your theory on my human, who is definitely old. He read your post. It took a few moments for the rusty gears to crank up. He spoke, “Where does she get off saying older people are cranky and rude? That wouldn’t have bothered me a number of years ago, but now, she can shove it!” Aaaaa, I think you’re right!
    Sandy
    http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com

  93. The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. Are you a good person? Making good choices and decisions? You have to love yourself. When you do then everything else falls into place.

    It doesn’t matter what other people think.

  94. “And I guess sometimes you just have to say que sera sera…

    And other times you might have to say…Bite me.”

    And that, is what I call a classy, in-a-nutshell, sum-it-up, well-capsulated, cute and quirky

    conclusion.

    Aun Aqui

  95. I got to thinking about it after reading your post. I’ve noticed I’m not as apt to get upset by other’s opinions, especially as I get older. For me, there was realization (still is), that I say and do stuff I don’t mean or I react, not knowing the whole story, and I’ve appreciated when people handed me grace instead of anger and resentment . . . there is a self contentment involved but also a deep understanding that people are people and will do and say stuff that, either they don’t mean or they don’t even understand. For people that are just mean spirited, well . . . let them go, but realize they are coming from their own hurt and pain and past baggage.

    So self-contentment as I get older, but also a dose of understanding human nature as well.

  96. Hear, hear! (or should it be “Read, read!”?)

    I feel you, Sarah =D
    and yeah I guess it’s when we get older (a.k.a. when we have a lot more experiences – ups and downs), we narrow down our focus on life. We tend to concentrate on what REALLY matter to us. We don’t want to waste time and energy on things that will only drain us.

    So, thanks for sharing what you’ve learned, and congratulations on being Freshly-Pressed =D

    -Fanny-

  97. I’ve also noticed that I’ve been letting go of worrying of what others think of me. I agree with another person here that it has to do with circumstance. As we get older, we have more important things to worry about – bills, rent, keeping a job in this economy, finding the right person to settle down with and possibly have kids with, etc. That is much more important than what that bee-yotch at work thinks of you.

    I also think self-respect comes as you get older. That’s something I’ve noticed about myself as I’ve gotten older. I’ve realized there’s no room for self loathing in the real world. If you want something, you got to respect yourself first in order to get it. So, I’ve been letting go of self pity more and more, and it has been liberating. I guess experiencing self-respect makes you want to have more of it 🙂

  98. We just get to the point where we realise whats important to us and whats worth while spending time on, whos worth impressing and who isnt. The older and wiser we get the less we stop seeking peoples approval for things. Im 40 years old and I think I stopped caring what people thought about 5 years ago. Nowadays I couldnt give a hoot what people think because I am content and able to ‘survive’ whatever I do.

  99. Hi Sarah

    What an insightful post. Congrats on your fresh pressing!

    Isn’t it wonderfully cathartic to finally let go of others’ opinions? I like the word you used to describe getting older–mellowing out. The highs aren’t as high, yet the lows aren’t as low, and that’s perfectly nice.

    And speaking of opinions, I’m often shocked at what comes out of people’s mouths! We’re such an overly-opinionated society, which isn’t so much a problem. What astonishes me is why people don’t keep their mouths shut when they don’t have anything nice to say… just some food for thought.

    • It’s so true what you said about the highs not being as high, and the lows not as low. Wish I had thought of that. Thanks for reading:)

  100. Good one! I’ve had to “declutter my life too along the way; of old friends who were adding chaos to my life once I had finally gotten peace in some areas of my life. I don’t know if it’s growing up, or getting wiser..maybe a little of both 🙂

  101. This is something I’m slowly learning too, to give myself permission to be myself and not worry so much about what other people may think or say. At first it was terrifying, now it feels more natural and is kind of amazing 🙂 I like just being me. Good for you Sarah!

  102. Also something I’m learning, especially in the work setting. You have to give people the right to their opinion, no matter how crazy it is. And then, just walk away from it and don’t even think about it after that for a second.

    With my family, this is tougher. Words they say tend to hurt more. However, I’m also getting old enough to the point where its like, “Hey guys! I’m married now! If I want to move halfway across the world, I will!”

    • You’re right, Amanda, it is much harder with family. I wouldn’t say the “bite me” sentiment applies for family, but to each their own!

  103. I think I’ve got to that stage early but it was enforced by circumstance rather than by growing up but of course, it can vary for different individuals as to when they lose their sensitivity to judgment by peers.

  104. Loved the post. I agree the older you get- at least for me- the less I feel compelled to go along just to get along! It is a process, it doesn’t come over night-because I am a recovering “people pleaser” 🙂

  105. I find myself feeling the exact same way! I am much more comfortable with just being myself these days. I am here to live and do the best I can. If someone doesn’t approve, I suggest they find a hobby or something meaningful to occupy their time!

  106. Hi Sarah, well I’ve read your post and all of the comments that followed it… Both are great, it demonstrates that everybody has the same fears and struggles and it makes life so much easier when actually other people also admit..’yeah, I also ponder a lot over my actions.’ Thanks for sharing your ideas, it was a real pleasure reading it and it’s really great to know that others are thinking about the things they do as much as I am..haha, but at least I am aware of it…so that must be a step forward!;) congrats on the FP!

  107. Great post. I guess though one has to distinguish between what others say to you, and what you say/do to others – where it is surely important to retain one’s inhibitions about being mean or brutal or whatever. Many people forget to worry about the latter, and end up seeming horrible and insensititive like the bad friends they have dumped!

  108. Your blog is so cool as well as all loads of comments and feedback which I enjoyed reading ’em all.
    It goes to show as you mature, you get a glimpse of yourself more and literally become atuned with your inner core. You pay less attention to the external forces around you whether mortal beings, material possessions etc..

  109. I completely agree. I have worked in family law for more than 25 years and have noticed that most divorces initiated by women are when they are in their 40’s. Personally, when I hit the big 40, I started not caring what others thought of me and just let a lot of “stuff” roll off my back. I once read that when a person is young, they care about what everyone thinks about them; when a person is middle-aged they stop caring about what others think about them; and when a person is elderly they realize nobody really thought about them in the first place! Go figure.

  110. so true… completely agree. Being contended and mature help you see life in a different way … and then you do not care what others are thinking. I think it comes so naturally.

  111. As I reach 30, I realise I lament less the friends I see less and less of. I know that the friendships worth keeping are almost self sustaining, those that are not, were not meant to last. I look back on lost friends rarely with regret. Sometimes wonder plays its part – what are they doing, how are they and so on, but no regret for not knowing that detail. Memories of good friends left behind are still good memories, and if ‘friends’ leave no good memories, or bad ones, then perhaps being left behind was the best thing all along.

  112. I found that what people said stopped bothering me so much when I realized it’s not about whether or not what somebody says or does that bothers you, its how you deal with it. If that makes sense. I think it’s ok for something somebody says or does to have an impact on you in a negative way but its only ok if you acknowledge your feelings without dwelling on what that person has done and find a productive way to deal with it. To me, that is rolling with the punches.

  113. It’s fun that I care less about what other people think, but I want other people to still care what I think. Ha! I kid, I kid. But I think as I get older I have to care less about what other people think because I’m becoming less and less capable of controlling the things that come out of my mouth. If I’m developing verbal incontinence then I might as well be a free spirit. 🙂

  114. I have one really good friend, she is the one I can count on for an honest opinion. And she knows she can call me at 3am but she will get my Gods honest opinion if she does. If you cant count on friends to tell you your new dye job looks hideous, who can you count on.

  115. I agree with you completely. I like to think of it as coming into your own. Your opinion of you must outweigh others opinion of you because you are the only person you’ll never be able to get away from.

  116. Pingback: Stuff I’ve Realized Recently… (via Sarah Smiles Awhile) « Glorelys M. L.

  117. For years I have paid attention to what others think and say about me. That is not living. I have made many mistakes always thinking first on what others will say or think, I have failed in many
    things even I retired from the church I was and where enjoyed what I was doing. I’m working so I do not care what are in the mind of others. I firmly believe that when one is doing good and great things will always find more than one person that bothers you and boycott us what we do, I can not expect to have success and having friends by hundreds. I know God is going to help me. Sara be happy, great post.

  118. You can’t make everybody happy no matter what you do… The world is full of petty, terrible people. The only person that will make you happy is yourself. I’m only 26, but I’ve had more than my fair share with brushes with Death. Those kind of experiences are eye-opening revelations that show the importance of family, friends and happiness. After that kind of experience, the approval of others means jack and squat.

  119. Along with caring less about the opinions and views of others as one gets older, is the equally empowering ability to tell folks where the heck to get off at…rather easily. Perhaps, it’s one of the many things that come with “The 40!” 40 isn’t the new 30, daggone it! It’s all that and then some! 🙂

    With that being said, I don’t get as unravelled, as before, by comments that borderline on pure rudeness disguised in euphemism or humor. Likewise, I’ve found that I’m more unequivocal and unwavering about where I stand on certain issues, and less apologetic when my opinions fall outside the norms of political correctness. I feel this way: “If you’re not ready to receive real feedback, then don’t solicit any”, or better yet, “Bite Me!” Otherwise, put on your big girl drawers, and let’s talk…for real. 🙂

    Needless to say, I enjoyed this post quite a bit! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  120. This is pure gold. I loved what you said about cleaning house. I’ve always beaten myself up about this – not cultivating some relationships enough, I mean. Especially since people in my church keep emphasizing how relationships shouldn’t be disposable. But the way I see it, occasional pruning is healthy; it helps me focus on the essentials.

    As for the que sera sera bit, that I have yet to learn. As they say in my country, “marami pa akong kakaining bigas” (loosely translated as “I’ve still got heaps of rice to eat”). I have yet to reach the point where I can say “bite me” and really not give a hang about what others say. But I’m getting there slowly, and this post gave me a boost.

    So thanks for the awesome words, and congrats on getting on FP!

  121. I like this. Sometime after my kids were born, I just stepped out of the competition, the judgey bullsh*t, and its total asteroid belt of miscellaneous crap. Don’t need it. Don’t want it. And remarkably, to me, I’m a better friend because of it. It’s easier to just be yourself when you’re not worried about being judged for it, and people actually like that authenticity. Huh!
    I did leave some “friends” behind, but that’s okay. We really weren’t enjoying each other all that much anyway, you know? Good post. I really enjoyed it 🙂

    • Ha! I like that, you weren’t enjoying each others company all that much anyway, so why not just call a spade a spade. Thanks for sharing!

  122. Good for you! I think that’s hard to do. Maybe I’m just not ready and I’ve had a hard time letting go of the people that cause drama in my life and am glad I do have good people in my life that validate my reasons for moving on. Thanks for the friendly reminder!

  123. I turned 30 two weeks ago and I’ve noticed that I really don’t care what people think anymore, especially about what I have to say.

    It’s made life a lot more fun, I can say that much for sure.

  124. I Love it! I don’t recall exactly when I decided for myself to stop being the ‘go along’ guy, or the one who gets to be upset over someone’s narrow-minded short comings; however, it definitely happened and I couldn’t be happier about it.

    Really, as you said, I just don’t care enough to buy-on to other people’s drama or what ever they are trying to pawn off on me, to either justify their limited scope on things, or just to make themselves feel better at my expense. Sorry, I have other things to do, I stopped babysitting over 25 years ago, the pay was crap, the hours worse!

    Anyway, I love your post, it made my morning and at least i know that I am not alone in my growing disdain for problems or comments that really should never really have come my way in the first place.

    -peace

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